


i wouldn't leave you if you'd let me

by vviolets



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Exy (All For The Game), Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, he wears OVERALLS ffs, neil is a lil cutie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24707788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vviolets/pseuds/vviolets
Summary: Neil Josten. Equal parts untouchable and unreal.Andrew wasn’t sure what drew him to Neil; whether it was the easy way he laughed with his friends despite the scars on his face and the rumours that surrounded them, or the way his unruly hair always clashed delectably with the soft sweaters he wore.Either way, Neil Josten was unattainable. Too good for Andrew in every way.or; a college au where there is less trauma + more pining
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 24
Kudos: 390





	i wouldn't leave you if you'd let me

It wasn’t that Andrew disliked Kevin, but when the obnoxiously loud asshole came tearing into their shared dorm room at a way too early hour in the morning, it took Andrew everything he had to not hurl the bowl in his hands at Kevin's head.  


If wasn't the last bowl of chocolate cereal, he would have.  


Andrew was – somewhat begrudgingly - used to Kevin coming and going at inappropriate times of the day, so usually his presence didn’t bother him, but this morning Kevin would not shut up.  


As much as he tried to tune him out and enjoy his cereal, Andrew managed to gather snippets of Kevin’s incessant rambling. With Kevin holding one of the school's highest academic records and taking as many classes as he did, it was often that Andrew would have to listen to him harping on about something or someone in one of his classes. This time he would not stop talking about a grade he got in his history class.  


When Kevin turned to him for his opinion on the subject, Andrew offered him a half-hearted shrug returned with a frustrated sigh. Andrew did not have time to care much about Kevin’s school life when he was so busy avoiding the ever-growing pile of his own work, including an overdue report he had for his hated Literature class.  


For Kevin, academics were the centre of his small world, closely followed by the many sports he took on the side – the very ones which Andrew refused to sign up for at the beginning of the year. The only reason Andrew attended Palmetto State University in the first place was because it was what his twin brother Aaron had wanted. After being adopted by Betsy Dobson in high school, she had made it her mission to reconnect the separated brothers, even going as far as taking in Aaron when discovering his situation with his mother. It was a long road, but, with the help of Betsy, the boys finally learned to grow past their resentment for each other.  


Andrew was steadily starting to regret it all though, as he combed through the three pages of insufficient writing satin front him.  


“Let me help you,” Kevin started, and Andrew only just managed to slam his hand over the measly pile of paper on the table before Kevin attempted to grab them.  


“No.”  


Kevin glared at him as if was expecting this answer but seconds later he dropped into the seat opposite Andrew anyway.  


“I want you to come with us later.”  


“Always predictable, Kevin.”  


Every Friday, Kevin’s small group of friends met in the off-campus apartment belonging to Seth Gordan. Andrew never attended these little shindigs, but knew Seth was a part of their ‘group’ because of his former on-again off-again relationship with Allison Reynolds. He also knew that Seth had stayed around even after Allison had permanently ended things to get together with Andrew’s friend Renee. The group didn’t mind Seth, even if he was a bit of an asshole.  


Andrew didn’t care much for Seth and Allison, or anyone that attended for that matter, except his, apparently more social than him, brother and cousin.  


Then Kevin decided to open his big mouth again, “Neil will be there too.”  


Neil Josten. Equal parts untouchable and unreal.  


Andrew wasn’t sure what drew him to Neil; whether it was the easy way he laughed with his friends despite the scars on his face and the rumours that surrounded them, or the way his unruly hair always clashed delectably with the soft sweaters he always wore.  


Either way, Neil Josten was unattainable.  


This is exactly what Andrew repeated to himself as he sulked off to finish his report before the party later, ignoring Kevin’s quiet laughter.  


-

By the time Andrew pulled up to the curb outside Seth’s apartment, Kevin sat comfortably in the passenger seat, he was already annoyed at himself. He knew that he wouldn't enjoy himself tonight, not when surrounded by the near strangers that Nicky and Kevin always insisted were his friends too.  


They weren't, Andrew had barely even spoken to half of them.  


As Kevin shooed him up the short flight of stairs to Seth’s front door, Andrew took one last subtle look at his outfit for the night. Instead of his usual all-black ensemble, Andrew sported black jeans and a loose-fitting white t-shirt – arm bands firmly in place. He wasn’t sure what urged him to slightly alter his appearance for the night, and definitely didn’t want to think about the reason he spent an extra few minutes fixing his hair before leaving.  


An extra few minutes that had made them late, apparently, because when Kevin let them into the door, there was countless people milling around and loud music playing out of various speakers throughout the room.  


“Andrew!” Nicky was the first to greet him, surprised Andrew was even there.  


Aaron looked up from where he was chatting quietly with Katelyn in the corner of the room, raising an assessing eyebrow in Andrew’s direction. Andrew ignored him, instead turning sharply towards the kitchen, beelining a bottle of whisky sat on the counter.  


Friday night at Seth’s, as it turns out, was as mind numbingly boring as he thought it would be.  


Sure, most people seemed to be enjoying themselves. Andrew watched them get progressively drunker as the night wore on. However, as much as he tried to distract himself by watching the antics of the group, his eyes always wandered back over to wherever Neil was.  


When he and Kevin first arrived, Neil hadn't been there. Andrew promptly stamped down the feeling of something that flared up when he thought Neil might not be attending at all. Fortunately, he didn’t have to fight it long, because soon after he situated himself against the wall, whiskey in hand, the front door pushed open again.  


If anyone were to ask Andrew if he had a crush on Neil, he would shut them down immediately. Crushes were for kids, or people who had the time to worry about who ‘likes them’ or who just wants to be friends. Andrew was neither, which is why, if anyone asked him if he had feelings for Neil, he would deny it until he ran out of breath.  


Neil and him were just friends. If that.  


But even he wasn't immune to the natural charm Neil seemed to possess, and three hours into the party, he couldn’t stand to stare at the kid any longer.  


It was cold out on the balcony, but the sharp wind and smoke filling his lungs gave him a welcome distraction from the noise inside and how soft Neil looked in his stupid, pink sweater.  


Andrew left soon after.  


-

When Andrew turned up at Aaron’s dorm the next morning, he was distinctly unimpressed to find Neil curled up on his couch, head resting on Aaron’s shoulder and sketchbook in his lap. He allowed himself a second to be jealous before pushing it away – jealousy was an ugly emotion. 

Plus, Aaron had a girlfriend. And he was Neil’s best friend. 

“Andrew,” was the greeting he received from his brother and at the sound, Neil looked up and gave him a sleepy smile - one that made Andrew’s heart freeze in his chest - before returning his attention back to his sketchbook. 

“I needed to get away from Kevin,” was the only explanation he offered for his presence, flopping down next to Neil and pulling out his laptop. 

The three worked in comfortable silence together, each focused on whatever work they had due. The silence was only disrupted when Aaron got up to pee, extracting himself from under Neil and leaving him with Andrew. 

As predicted, Neil only waited a few seconds before turning towards him, “What are you working on?” 

“Writing,” Andrew muttered. “It’s not going well.” Andrew added, when Neil kept looking at him. 

Neil leaned over to look at the screen, being careful to leave a few inches of space between them, despite how physical he usually was with others. Andrew wouldn’t mind if Neil curled up on him, he thought absently. 

“It’s three sentences.” There was a small smile tugging at his lips and Andrew wanted to kiss it away. 

He said nothing. 

“We’ve been sat here for two hours.” Neil continued, the smile growing bigger, more sympathetic. 

Andrew sighed, rolling his neck, before turning slightly to look at Neil. He was sporting soft, black leggings that definitely once belonged to Allison and an oversized white t-shirt with some band on it. His hair was as unruly as always and Andrew found, not for the first time, that he wanted to tangle his fingers in it. 

Realising he had been staring a little too long, he ignored the knowing look on Neil’s face and instead leant over him to grab the abandoned sketchbook. This wiped away the smug look and instead Neil shifted, embarrassed. Andrew didn’t understand why Neil was so self-conscious about his art, there was a reason it was his major - he wasn’t terrible at it. 

Taking the hint that perhaps he wasn’t ready, Andrew moved the book away and instead offered a “Yes or no?” Neil shifted, confused, so Andrew lifted his arm as a prompt. 

Quick to duck under it, Neil settled with his head tucked under Andrew’s chin and his legs curled over one of Andrew’s. He let out a little sigh of “oh” and gave one last wiggle. 

They’d only done this once before. Two months ago, Neil had to told about his life with his father and how his uncle had taken him in once his father had been executed. 

Andrew only realised why the group hugged him so often though, when Neil relaxed into him in a way so innocent, it did nothing to trigger Andrew’s fight or flight. 

“Thank you,” and Neil had said it so quietly that Andrew almost didn’t hear him. Still, he didn’t bother replying and instead dropped his chin to rest on Neil’s head and pulled him in just a little closer. 

It wasn’t until Aaron returned to the room a few minutes later that Andrew realised Neil had fallen asleep in his arms, the show of trust doing nothing to slow the fluttering in his stomach. 

Aaron gave him a casual nod of approval. “He wanted to stay here last night, but he didn’t sleep at all.” 

“Why?” asked Andrew, but Aaron just shrugged in response, so Andrew returned to his work. 

It was quiet again after that. That was, until Kevin came barging in with his usual, loud ranting an hour later. 

Andrew shot daggers at him from over the top of Neil’s curls and when Kevin realised the younger man was asleep, lowered his voice slightly. He knew as well as they all did, the problems Neil had with sleeping. 

Regardless, Neil started to shift moments later and, despite Andrew trying to soothe him with a hand through his hair, lifted his head just enough to stare up at him and mumble a quiet “Hey.” 

The sleepy lilt to his voice was enough to set Andrew’s stomach off again but he ignored it in order to offer an encouraging, “It’s just Kevin. Go back to sleep.” 

“Hey-” Kevin started, offended, but shut up with one glare from Andrew. Neil also ignored him and chose to lay back down instead, slowly so that Andrew had a chance to pull away if he wanted to. He didn’t. 

Giving Neil a few minutes to resettle, Andrew waited before turning his attention back to Kevin. “What do you want?” 

“I need to talk to you.” Kevin said, impatient. When Andrew gestured to Neil he sighed, but continued, “Wymack wants you to perform in the showcase.” 

Every year, Palmetto held a showcase for students in the arts. Neil always submitted a piece, whether it be a drawing or a painting, Kevin also always performing as part of his drama class. The director of the showcase – and Kevin’s father - David Wymack, always asked Andrew to submit a piece of writing, even though he never did. 

Apparently, Andrew didn’t need to give Kevin a no, because he had already started talking again. “It would look really good for you, especially if you won.” 

Each subject had a winning entry. Kevin had won two years in a row, performing short drama scenes with a select group of people – this group including Allison, who Kevin was constantly butting heads with to be in charge. Andrew thoroughly enjoyed hearing Kevin complain about her. 

“No.” 

It was enough for Kevin to give up and instead he settled in the chair next to the couch, pulling up a lacrosse game on his phone.

\- 

“I just think,” Neil argued, as Andrew walked him to class on Monday morning, “Kevin might actually be useful in a zombie apocalypse.” 

Andrew snorted, looking at Neil with a faint sense of disgust. “He’d be too scared to do anything useful.” 

“He would make a good look out,” Neil disagreed. “So would Matt.” 

“Matt is too nice; he wouldn’t want to kill anyone.” Andrew said, shaking his head slightly. 

Their back and forth continued until they reached Neil’s art room, where they would part ways for the day. Before stepping into the classroom, Neil turned to him once more. “Meet me after?” He asked, hopeful. 

Andrew nodded, pushing away from the wall he was leaning on and starting down the hall to make his way to his own class. Despite the feeling of content that always surfaced when he was with Neil, he knew that realistically, they would never be more than nothing. 

Neil was a pipe dream, too good for Andrew in every way. 

\- 

“Andrew, make yourself useful. Kevin, finish whatever it was that you were doing. Neil- Where the fuck is Josten?” Wymack yelled, people running around everywhere, preparing for the showcase that evening. Before Andrew had a chance to look, Neil popped up from behind a display wall, white paint smudged over his arms and even streaked into his curls. The bright grin he shot Wymack hurt Andrew to look at, so busied himself with a prop Kevin handed him. 

“Sorry, Sir,” murmured Neil, making his way over to them, whilst tucking a paintbrush into the pocket of his short, denim overalls. His eyes met Andrew’s and he gave him a small smile, before turning away to start setting up his area for the night. 

“Andrew, come and help me.” Kevin demanded, pulling him to the stage where his group would perform that evening. “I need you to arrange the flowers and lights-” 

Kevin continued directing him and Andrew absentmindedly took it in, but his focus was drawn to where Neil was crouched with Matt, explaining to him how he wanted is paintings mounted. 

The hours leading up to the showcase were busy, too many people running around and too many complicated exhibitions. Andrew only managed it because he could watch Neil doing something he loved. 

Well, that and he promised Kevin his help. 

“Wow,” his cousin breathed, admiringly. By the time Nicky and Aaron arrived an hour before the actual event, the large hall had been completely transformed. 

White fabric swept along the ceilings, lined with bright lights that highlighted different areas of the room. Display cases and boards sat around the room, paintings, sculptures, and poetry filling all the spaces. The stage sat at the far end of the room; neat rows of pristine chairs sat in front of it – enough for at least 300 people – the curtain drawn in anticipation for the later performances. Not many people remained, most choosing to change or take a small break before the guests arrived, but Andrew stuck around with Wymack to help with the final touches. 

Aaron turned back to them as Nicky continued to explore the room. “Where is everyone?” He asked. 

“Kevin and Neil went to get ready,” Wymack answered, before Andrew could, “they shoud be back any minute.” 

Nodding, Aaron went to join Nicky who was sat on the edge of stage, and dragged Andrew along with him. The three sat together, waiting for the rest of their friend's arrival, whilst making their way through the small dinner Aaron had bought. 

“Are you excited to see Neil all dressed up?” Nicky teased, and Andrew was quick to shush him. His. cousin had caught on to his minor attraction to Neil, but Aaron wasn’t aware and Andrew wasn’t sure how he would react. It wasn’t that Aaron was against his sexual orientation, he was just very protective of Neil. 

“What?” Aaron snapped, “Since when do you like Neil?” 

“I do not like Neil.” Andrew scowled, because he really didn’t. Sure, he found him attractive, but they were acting as if he was in love with the kid. 

Kevin chose that exact moment to come back, “Oh, you totally do.” Andrew hadn't seen him coming, and shot him a look of betrayal. Kevin grinned and shrugged, before sitting down next to Aaron and stealing one of his fries. 

Before Andrew could start defending himself, Neil joined them. He had changed out of the tiny dungarees and instead wore a thin black jumper over what he called his ‘smart’ jeans. The paint was gone from his now styled hair and Andrew could've sworn he was wearing lip gloss. 

“What are we talking about?” Neil asked, choosing to sit close enough to Andrew that their knees were almost touching, despite their being an entire stage. 

“Nothing,” Andrew said, before Nicky could even open his mouth, “Absolutely nothing.” 

Neil shot him a weird look, but shrugged and turned to Kevin to discuss his pieces for later. 

Later turned out to only be 15 minutes, because as soon as they got up to look busy, people started to filter through the doors. Anyone who submitted work was expected to be close enough to answer any questions for the viewing hour before the drama and music students started performing. 

It didn’t take long for Andrew to realise Neil hated this rule, when he noticed him check his watch for the third time that minute, and he made a split-second decision to ditch Nicky and Aaron as they walked around. 

“Want to get out of here?” he asked Neil, even though he knew that wasn’t really possible yet. 

Neil shot him a longing look and nodded towards the private back door, “for a minute.” 

“It’s busy,” Andrew stated, once they were settled against the back of the building, away from any people. 

Neil snorted, pulling his knees up to his chest, “Yeah. It’s going well, everyone seems happy I guess.” 

“That’s good,” Andrew said, nodding, “Are you happy?” 

“I wasn’t sure about the piece I admitted,” Neil replied, quieter that before. 

“I haven’t actually seen it.” Andrew turned just in time to catch the look of pure disbelief Neil provided. 

Andrew chuckled, but Neil refused to let it go. 

“It’s been their all afternoon!” Neil said, frustrated. “You’ve been staring at me all day, how haven’t you seen it?” 

This made Andrew freeze, his fingernails suddenly seeming very interesting. He didn’t think he had been too obvious with his staring, making sure to only sneak looks when Neil was busy doing something. Andrew should’ve known, Neil had always been an overly observant asshole. 

Fuck. 

“Hey-” Neil started, when he realised that Andrew had gone still. Andrew didn’t give him a chance to finish though – he wasn’t ready for that rejection – and instead pushed himself up and quickly ducked back inside, refusing to look back. 

One day, Andrew would stop running away from his problems. Today was not that day. 

He hid until Kevin’s performance, watched the first ten minutes and then drove back to his dorm to get wasted. In the end, he never did get to see Neil’s work. 

\- 

Things changed between them after that. 

He still attended Friday nights at Seth’s, still walked Neil to class, still gazed at him from across rooms – but there was a tension that hadn't existed between them before. For the first time in two years, Andrew thought that maybe Neil wanted him back. Yet, any time he dared think it, he brushed it away as impossible. 

So, when Neil turned up at his dorm on a night that he knew Kevin would be at lacrosse, Andrew didn’t know what to do. 

He didn't have long to think about it either, because Neil only gave him a few seconds to process before flopping down with his head in Andrew’s lap. 

“Sorry,” Neil mumbled, sounding tired, when Andrew had to grab his laptop to stop it falling off his knees at the motion. 

Placing his laptop on the table, Andrew shrugged and ignored the apology. “You okay?” he asked instead. 

“Tired,” Neil admitted, letting his eyes close gently. 

From that, he knew Neil was having a bad day – Andrew had enough of his own to recognise the signs – and even if things were awkward between the two, he would still be there for the younger boy. 

Gently running a hand through Neil’s curls, Andrew took his phone out and scrolled through his Instagram feed to pass the time. He was content to let Neil nap on him, like he often did, but Neil seemed to have other plans. 

“What are we doing?” He spoke softly, looking up at Andrew through half lidded eyes. 

Andrew thought about it, but ultimately the only answer he had was, “I'm not sure.” 

Neil blinked slowly, seemingly lost in his own head, so Andrew gave a soft tug where his fingers were still tangled in his hair, drawing Neil’s attention. 

“You’re always here,” Neil started. “And, you always look at me like I’m important.” 

“You are.” Andrew replied, unsure about what was happening. 

Neil smiled slightly, but wasn’t ready to give up, “But why?” 

“We’re friends Neil, I care about you.” 

Andrew wasn’t ready for the way Neil’s face fell, the way his shoulders tensed and his eyebrows drew together. He always believed hope was dangerous, but it felt good to finally have something to hold on to, evidence that his year of pining wasn’t for nothing. 

Yet before Andrew could even consider saying anything, he was jerked back into reality as Kevin stomped into the room, dropping his bag loudly. 

Neil sat up quickly, his face blank, and they were once again interrupted from actually addressing their issues. At least it wasn’t his own cowardice this time, Andrew thought wearily, as Neil and Kevin wandered off into the kitchen. 

\- 

This time, they didn’t humour themselves. They didn’t act as though the conversation never happened. In fact, they didn’t interact at all. 

When Neil had called Andrew out at the showcase, they were happy to pretend like he hadn’t. They weren't ready for the conversation then, and perhaps they still weren’t. 

That didn’t stop Kevin from trying to force them to talk though. 

“C’mon Andrew,” He pleaded for the fifth time that week, “Just go to talk to him!” 

“I am not making the first move,” Andrew muttered, childishly. 

Kevin scowled, “It’s affecting his school work. He hasn’t even come to study group this week!” Andrew ignored him and left their dorm with an unnecessary slam, going to find peace on the roof. 

Except, when he got there, there was a familiar figure sat on the ledge. Neil looked as soft as always, dressed in his blue jeans and massive white jumper, but the way his fingers gripped the edge of the roof was a telling sign that he was angry. 

“Hey,” Andrew said quietly, careful to not startle him. 

Neil refused to look at him as Andrew joined him on the ledge, instead focusing on the way his air force kicked against the side of the building as he swung his legs. 

In the silence, Andrew took the time to study Neil the way he had many times before. The soft pink streaking the sky highlighted Neil’s face in ways that should be criminal, the light softening all his sharp edges. Pink nails poked out from the edge of his too-big sleeves, and Andrew could see they were chipped where he was fiddling with the rips on his jeans. 

“Are we going to talk about this?” He asked, when he couldn’t quite handle the silence anymore. Only then did Neil look up at him, his eyes wide and uncertain. 

Finally, he nodded. “I thought you liked me,” Neil admitted, though it was almost a question. 

Andrew didn’t enjoy how often Neil had him speechless. 

“I do.” Lay all yours cards on the table, well done Andrew. 

But before he could misinterpret Neil’s silence for disgust or judgment, Neil’s face broke into a smile that had Andrew’s lips creeping up too. 

“Why’d you ignore me then?” questioned Neil, much more confidently. 

Andrew spluttered, mildly outraged, “You never hinted to anything, I thought you wanted me to back off!” 

“I wanted you to ask me out!” Neil insisted, “I thought I made that perfectly clear.” 

“You have literally never shown any interest in that, other than acknowledging my creepy staring!” Andrew exclaimed, the smile still tugging at his lips rudely undermining his glare. 

Neil sighed, before inching closer. “Why are you arguing with me instead of kissing me?” 

This time, Andrew couldn’t keep the smile from his face - especially when he leaned in and heard the quite “yes” from Neil as he closed the final gap between them. 

“I won,” Kevin said, when they walked back into the dorm 40 minutes later. One look at the bruise on Neil’s neck and the state of Andrew’s hair, and he was texting the group chat demands for his money, much to the delight of Allison, who also betted for them. 

“Are you still coming tonight?” Kevin asked, when he had finally looked up from his phone. 

Neil looked puzzled, so Andrew poked him in the ribs and muttered, “It’s Friday.” 

“Ah, yes. I need to get changed first,” replied, Neil. Andrew nodded, following him back to the door with a command to be ready in an hour to Kevin. 

The drive to Neil’s was quiet, but he seemed content to play with Andrew’s fingers where his hand rested on his thigh gently. 

Andrew sat on the sofa when they arrived, telling Neil “I’ll wait here.” 

Except 25 minutes later when he was still sat in the same spot, he gave up on his game of crossy road to go check on Neil. 

Hearing a muffled “come in” when he knocked on the bedroom door, Andrew entered. 

“Holy shit.” Neil wore an extremely ripped pair of jeans that exposed large sections of his tanned legs, but the lilac crop top that only semi-covered his top half stole Andrew’s attention. Scars peeked out from the high hemline, but he ignored them to appreciate Neil’s toned, tiny waist instead. 

Neil blushed, “You like?” 

“Yes or no?” Andrew asked instead. 

“Um, yes?” Walking forward, Andrew pulled Neil down by his hair until their lips met. The kiss was messy, desperate and Neil submitted fast – only to pull away moments later when his phone chimed from his back pocket. 

“Sorry,” He muttered, pulling it to out to see Aaron’s name lighting up the screen. 

“Don't answer it,” Andrew scowled, but Neil just grinned and did so anyway. 

“YOU’RE DATING ANDREW?!” Was all he heard from the other end of the line, and judging by Neil’s wince, he had been expecting this call. Except, they hadn't actually agreed they were dating up on the roof earlier - and Neil clearly didn’t know what to tell him. 

So, Andrew answered instead. 

Gently wrestling the phone out of Neil’s hand, he could still hear his brother talking. He didn’t wait for Aaron to finish, stating a simple “Yes, fuck off,” down the line and promptly hung up, tossing the phone on the bed behind him. Neil giggled and pulled him in again, this time not letting go. 

\- 

The scowl they received from Kevin when they were 45 minutes late picking him up, made it more than worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! :)
> 
> title is from 'trouble' by halsey
> 
> this work is unbeta'd, so please let me know if you see any mistakes!


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